Neil had an email yesterday. It was from someone who had been tracking his internet browsing and, unless he paid them a fair sum of money, they would release what he had been watching to his closest friends and family. (I’m not sure how they would identify from his contacts who are his close family – if they are looking at who he communicates with most over the ether then his work colleagues are in for a shock.) I can’t see why anyone would be interested to know that he has a penchant for looking at photo essays, watching BBC wildlife clips and the occasional video of cute puppies, or searching YouTube for how to remove a kitchen drawer. And, the last few weeks, updates from the Wellington Paranormal division of NZ Police.
Maybe because we share a computer it’s my viewing that they are actually interested in? If so I’ll save them the bother and confess to you all now – in addition to the above, I’m partial to BBC comedy clips, watching trailers for movies I never get around to seeing the whole of, and, in the last few weeks, some dodgy comedy clips on social media (mainly from my family – thanks guys!)
A few days ago a friend and I were chatting online and laughing about the possibility that Big Brother really was watching/listening to us. We’d just had a long conversation about funerals, moving onto what we’d been eating, what we’d seen on social media, and what TV we’d watched (come on! We are in lockdown…) The thought that somewhere, some poor ‘spy’ was being forced to listen sent both of us into breathless hysterics. Had they been a caring sort of person they’d have dialled 111 immediately thinking we needed medical assistance.
So, Mr Spam (no idea if that is his real name but it’s what Google called him), we currently have no money (I invite you to check out earlier posts on this blog and note that we’ve just had a long holiday and recently moved house). As they say in NZ, fill your boots. I’m sure Neil will have some explaining to do at work (for some reason they all think he’s this really cool bloke) but I have no secrets. If you’re really interested (and the hysteria is bubbling away in me to think that anyone is) watch along. And feel free to give me a little internet wave. We are, after all, in lockdown and it’s nice to be friendly.
*This was, of course, taken before lockdown. A couple of years ago, actually, but it seemed appropriate.